The new way.

We have had many changes here at he 10 Clark. Most notably, the arrival of our daughter. i have gone through similar changes that happened through our new arrival, and the new perspective that came with her.

I used to be a king slacker. I used to go to sleep late and wake late, letting things slide in order to sate my need for comfort. what the heck? nothing was going on, so a little down time is n't bad, is it?

I found out really quickly that having had my guard down for so many years took it's toll on me.

I am up for the task of taking care of our daughter and of Terri as she heals from her Cesarean. I don't mind at all that i have to take care of everything while she tends to Elsie. It's a labor of love.

The thing is: it's only been two days since we came back.

I talk big now, but what's next or what will come down the road?

Honestly, i don't know.

And i don't care. I can only take care of what's happening right now. not what i can't predict or see.

Terri and i were discussing it yesterday between diaper changes and feedings and it comes down to the fact that we want to stay on top of things from the get go. Not that if we slip a little things will fall apart, but that it's easier to get air with your head above water than to constantly gulp.

I look over at my family and want to be on point as much as possible, so i can give the most that i can.

Example: the past two days Terri woke me around eight in the morning the past two days to tell me she was hungry. i immediately shot up out of bed to provide food for her and ultimately for Elsie.

Helping without question was not one of my strong points when i was living my life before we became a family. It felt like doing a job and not for or out of love instead.

When love becomes a job, it's not a job at all. You have to work at it and keep going without question.

Please welcome Elsie Maureen Fowler

24 hours of labor.

Worth every minute.

Elsie and Terri are the world to me now.

I can't wait to share the best of my self with them.

Here are more photos:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/23632423@N02/sets/72157626907989512/

My special thanks go to Charlene, who is the best maternity nurse in the business.

Again with the waiting!

Again with the waiting. Terri went to the OBGYN yesterday and so far no new news except for the fact that her pelvis is softening. We are going to the OBGYN tomorrow for an ultrasound. We will hopefully have an updated picture of Elsie as the last one that was posted, is from April 20th.

I'm sure that Terri already posted this info on the Facebooks, so this information may be out of date.

This got me wondering though; the documentation of Elsie from conception has been going on for over nine months. My parents didn't have this ability back in the 70's (gasp) when i was born, so documenting Elsie's whole life is as easy to upload and write about.

I am not much of a technofile, so this process of documenting a whole life is going to be a great thing to share with everyone. It will also be a cool thing to show to Elsie when she's old enough to understand what she's seeing and reading.

Think about this too: i can show Elsie a picture of when she was nothing more than a zygoat, through her development on to birth and through the early years. This will be a joy to share with everyone and especially with her.

I managed to squeeze out an hour of social time last night too. I went to a place in Easthampton called The Cellar Bar to see some friends after work. I had a coke and laughed for a few minutes. My friend Rob had his laptop hooked up to the sound system, so he played some songs.

It was equally nice to get kudos from my friends and to be around them again, as i missed out on Eganstock and Matt's girlfriend's birthday the past weekends.

It's worth every minute of waiting. I just wished that i took more time off of work as it has added a bit more stress to my situation.

O.k.

Elsie is already stubborn.

Hello again, the feeling of just before going on stage is now so ingrained in my DNA, i think i'm going to rupture a heart valve.

And we continue to wait for the little spud.

If you missed it, the due date was on the 16th of this month. today's date is the 18th.

And we continue to wait.

The days have become a blur. At work, i jump to my feet, every time i think i hear my phone ringing.

The house is in order. The bags have been packed. Elsie is still hanging out in the womb. Terri is getting on really well. She has handled this thing greatly. It makes me a little weary because if it was this easy, she may want another!

Wait, my favorite commercial is on...it's for a phone from AT&T where these forklifts in a warehouse are driving themselves...give me a break.

Anyway, i just wanted to check in. Terri has her weekly appointment tomorrow and we'll find out where the birth is heading.

I'm pretty sure that we have two weeks after the due date and then we HAVE to have the baby or else she'll be too big to come out.

Today i'm feeling pretty lucky and happy. I found some Mexican coca cola-it's made with sugar-that tastes pretty good. I also bought some cherries so i'm having cherry cokes.

The mystery of the day is who Elsie gets her stubbornness from...I know i'm stubborn as all hell but Terri can lay it on pretty thick her self!

HA!

Four more days?

Hello everyone,

The due date for our little miracle is September 16th. That date is four days from today. Now, it looked good on paper, BUT , in reality, Terri and i are pretty sure that it will be a later date than that. we have all of out "i's" dotted and out "t's" crossed. We have gotten pretty good advice from our friends that have birthed, and there is a huge reference book sitting underneath this computer.

I'm glad that i've kept up with my reading because i'm sure this one will be dog eared to death.

So

we

wait.

And wait.

My stomach is in knots thinking of it as i write. So many questions with so few answers. i'm staring into the void and it's looking back at me saying 'what do you want. i have nothing for you.'

So the void is not good at giving parenting advice. I'm sure it's not good at giving any advice. It's a void.

The best part of today so far has been walking Jackson.

The worst part has been coming home to the coffee i brewed while on said walk, and having no milk because it expired on the 6th.

I don't mind black coffee, as it is a flavor deluge. I just don't like the impact on my already nervous stomach.

I have been trying to pin down this feeling that i've had since around the 5th of this month. It's a combination of fear, awe, uncertainty and nervousness.

The way i described it to a friend was the feeling i've had just before i went on stage to act or perform in a band.

The thing is, that feeling usually ebbs about a few lines into the play, or a song or two in.

This feeling starts when i wake up and doesn't end until i go to sleep. I sleep with one eye open, waiting for the moment.

I've been camping out on the couch as Terri has been tossing and turning as well as having to use the bathroom a lot more every night.

I have been trying to keep the place extra clean, and have been trying not to be a bother or a burden.

Tensions have been a bit elevated here. Not in some negative way or some damaging way but in a 'let's get this thing over with' way.

SO, LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH!

WE'RE READY TO START OUR NEW LIVES AS PARENTS!

Jackson is teaching me about leadership and motivation.

We made our way along The Motherland's side streets today, Jackson on point and myself in tow.

We had to stop every few feet so that he could catch a scent of something old or new...a trail to follow.

We would come to a cross walk and he would automatically sit. I would then give him an automatic treat as he has been very good so far today.

We round the corner and lurking inside a nearby house is a dog barking. He patiently goes by with a sideways glance to where the sound is coming from. I easily glide him away with the leash. The leash is the tether from me to Jackson, that is also the tether to myself and our home.

I have been religiously walking Jackson almost every day. it gives us a chance to bond, to get some exercise and to help me wake up.
No more mornings of staring at the bedroom ceiling, wondering why and who i am anymore.
I have a duty to make sure we both go for a walk.

I have found, as the title of this piece divulges, that these walks have not only helped us both physically, but they have helped me to chin up and gain more confidence.

I have more energy and i feel better for it mentally as well.

I think it might have to do with waking up and diving right into something.

i think it might have to do with having to focus as soon as i awaken.

Anyway, i really like it.

I didn't know which way things would go, with taking these walks, when i first started. I didn't think that i'd enjoy it at all.

Over a month into it, i came to the above conclusions and that's motivation enough to continue.

So thanks Jackson.

Thanks again.

Twelve long years.

Just for the record, i DID NOT drive a bomb loaded crappy forklift off of a dock.

Last week was the anniversary of the twelfth year that i have spent, under my current company's employ.

The day went by with me forgetting this fact, and it's the way i wanted it.

BUT i must digress.

I have done as much growing as the company i work for has. I have rebelled against everything they shoved my way, grew to appreciate the fact that i have a job, where i work in a great building and with a great crew of people.

I started the job in the middle part of 1999 after a bitter break up in Boston. My idea was to come back to the valley and spend a month or two off, then maybe work for one of the cafes or restaurants in Northampton. My brother was already working for the same company i'd join, so i decided that it'd be better to work for a greater wage and not wash dishes and maybe become a prep cook.

I ended up starting as a temp and proved my self worthy of full time, so in August of 1999 i was a full time stock handler.

I wasn't the best employee by any standard. I had a chip on my shoulder and thought i was too cool for everyone due to my extra curricular activities. Basically, for the first five years of employment i was always on warning for something or other and a general pain in most of my managers asses.

It wasn't until i ended up in offsite that i came into my own. Our offsite buildings are less stocked with people, so the those of us that are in offsite, are bigger links in a smaller chain.

I ended up learning a LOT more in the past five years than in the first.

I was 'promoted' in 2008 to work in a closer offsite to the main distribution center in Deerfield.

It was my self and one other worker, during second shift.

Things worked out really well, and we have a great working relationship, even when we took on other people and now have a crew of six full time employees and four temps.

I have processed huge orders going into the millions of dollars. I have loaded and unloaded hundreds of trailers and containers. I have moves hundreds of millions of dollars worth of product and have been in charge of millions of dollars worth of merchandise with little or no supervision, sometimes.

Pretty cool huh?

Looking back over the past twelve years brings back many great moments: Meeting friends and hanging out after work, the stock handler parties we'd put on, going out en masse to Amherst or Northampton, joking around with everyone (which still happens on a daily basis), the cookouts my manager has every once in a while,working in the lab, making new product, the long hours that ended up sustaining my crazy life outside of the job, and the work that we put in every day to help the brand be it's best.

There are two types of workers anywhere: the one's that are there for the love of the product, and those that are there for money. I am of the latter but sometimes i like to hear from people that the like our product. I like to see them talk about their favorite fragrance, or when will we get a certain fragrance back?

Shit, the place is getting to me...

...i think i'll stay here for a while longer, maybe try to become a supervisor some day and then spend the last couple of years working on a machine or something. I don't know.

I couldn't predict the future back in 1999 when my rent was handed to me by my girlfriend of three years and i was told to go, but I've learned a LOT since then and have become very wise to almost anything that has been thrown my way.

Anyway, thanks for reading this and i hope you are doing fine.

**************BABY NEWS!********************BABY NEWS!*************************

Elsie had the hiccups in the womb last night. Terri tells me it felt very weird.

Everything is on track with Elise. She is doing well and Terri is handling everything with her enduring grace.

We went through everything from the baby shower and WOW, i can't say enough about how nice it was and how cool everyone was. Thanks again!

We were able to buy a new stroller for Elsie. It's super cool and super safe. I can't wait to rock the block with it while i am walking Jackson.

Elsie's nursery is coming together quite nicely. We used two coats of primer, two coats of paint and i had to scrape the ceiling. It is a nice, subtle lavender for Eslie to enjoy. Terri's dad helped put in the cieling light, Terri's uncle Ray put the rug in and then the following week, Walter, Terri's step father, put the crib together.
On Saturday, Pad and I put the baby's dresser together....by the way: screw you IKEA!

We only have a month to go until E-Day.

As usual: stay tuned.