Four more days?

Hello everyone,

The due date for our little miracle is September 16th. That date is four days from today. Now, it looked good on paper, BUT , in reality, Terri and i are pretty sure that it will be a later date than that. we have all of out "i's" dotted and out "t's" crossed. We have gotten pretty good advice from our friends that have birthed, and there is a huge reference book sitting underneath this computer.

I'm glad that i've kept up with my reading because i'm sure this one will be dog eared to death.

So

we

wait.

And wait.

My stomach is in knots thinking of it as i write. So many questions with so few answers. i'm staring into the void and it's looking back at me saying 'what do you want. i have nothing for you.'

So the void is not good at giving parenting advice. I'm sure it's not good at giving any advice. It's a void.

The best part of today so far has been walking Jackson.

The worst part has been coming home to the coffee i brewed while on said walk, and having no milk because it expired on the 6th.

I don't mind black coffee, as it is a flavor deluge. I just don't like the impact on my already nervous stomach.

I have been trying to pin down this feeling that i've had since around the 5th of this month. It's a combination of fear, awe, uncertainty and nervousness.

The way i described it to a friend was the feeling i've had just before i went on stage to act or perform in a band.

The thing is, that feeling usually ebbs about a few lines into the play, or a song or two in.

This feeling starts when i wake up and doesn't end until i go to sleep. I sleep with one eye open, waiting for the moment.

I've been camping out on the couch as Terri has been tossing and turning as well as having to use the bathroom a lot more every night.

I have been trying to keep the place extra clean, and have been trying not to be a bother or a burden.

Tensions have been a bit elevated here. Not in some negative way or some damaging way but in a 'let's get this thing over with' way.

SO, LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH!

WE'RE READY TO START OUR NEW LIVES AS PARENTS!

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice.

Now that I've re-read the title of this post, it would seem creepy...IF I WASN'T HAVING A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Terri has the pictures from yesterday's ultrasound. I will post again as I gush to you, dear reader, about becoming a dad.
Our dog Jackson, howled a mangled 'I love you' to both of us when we returned home as he could sense our ecstatic behavior.

I am overly entirely blissful about having a daughter.

Having a daughter brings a whole new dimension to having a child. I am not the swiftest person when it comes to the 'female mind' so raising a girl from the ground up will be scary and interesting to say the least.

I am going to try to be the best male role model that I can for her, so that she can be strong and independent. She already has that deeply encoded in her DNA due to myself and Terri's fierce and strong codes of individuality.

Statistically speaking though; girls mature at a faster rate than boys, tend to be on the more gentle side of things, have bigger brains and have a better learning curve than we males, for the most part.

I am also happy to not have to measure the sheer destruction that a boy-and I did it too-unleashes upon the world. HA!

Her name?

Elsie Maureen Fowler.

The first two names are my grandmother and Terri's grandmother respectively.

Oh, and the ultrasound went well. Elsie has a great strong spine, her heart rate is right on the money and her little face is looking good. Her legs and arms are looking good and she even has a little rump.

I really don't know what else to tell you except that this is a very proud moment for me and nothing could shake the bliss of finding out what she was going to be

and now I don't have to say 'it' any more.

Are girls made of sugar and spice etc...?

I don't believe so. I grew up bereft of a mom, (I love her deeply and am proud of her 20+ years of sobriety) so when I went to college I decided that i'd put my best foot forward and learn as much as I could about women, women's rights and equality. I met some really great people who opened my eyes and heart to how great and positive it is to be female. Most of the women I encountered were strong minded, educated and well versed in their thoughts and opinions. We would listen to records and talk for hours about our differences and mostly, what makes us all the same.

I am glad of those times and am equally glad that I can bring those moments back to the front to raise Elsie.

I am by no means a meat and potatoes kind of guy but at the same time, if I can reiterate, I want to be a strong, positive role model for Elsie so she can be the best that she can.

In closing for now, I'd like give you a short list of the women who shared their time and patience with me and/or inspired me by their actions:

Thank you: Margaret Rooks, Moira Rutherford, Mom, Katherine Jen and Flower Thief, Riot GRRL! Western Mass.,Maggie Nowinski, Elspeth, Mom, Grandma Elsie and Aunt Edna, Rumeli Snyder & Christina, Barbara D., Anya Baum, Leah Urbano, Adrienne Droogas, Kira Roessler.