a beer in the refrigerator?!

i was supposed to go to florence mass. to see my friends play some music tonight at a bar but i really didn't feel like it.
i miss my buddies from back in the day and all of the misadventures we had.  what a bunch of characters. truly some great people.
i really wanted to connect with the guys but it would've ended up like it did a few weeks ago when i went to westfield mass. to see music:

i show up.
explain that i don't drink anymore.
awkward feelings from myself and others.
i see some great music.
some people start to become wastey and somewhat annoying.
i exit early to come home and write about it.

i'll go out again and it's not because bars have booze and the temptation would be there blah blah blah, but to be honest with you, i have absolutely no interest in getting drunk nor do i have any want of alcohol.  tonight i just want to sit and think about my next moves, where i want to be a year from now etc...

i just don't want to have to give the whole: 'the kid is fine, yep i'm a wimp because i don't drink-no i can't have one, your breath stinks-yeah, work is fine and i'm bored of this already and can't hear a word you're saying, hey why didn't we just go get a burger at the diner and have some discourse and wok on something like an idea?' type situation that i have avoided as of late.

man, that was harsh.. these are pretty good guys and my problem isn't theirs.  i have to write these things out though, i need to purge my self of these thoughts.

i'm spending the night drinking iced guayusa and watching the rest of season five of star trek season 5 on netflix.

the crew of the enterprise-d are very good company, well versed and very entertaining.

but then there's the title of this writing....what was i referring to?

there is a beer in my refrigerator.  it is a cold can of miller lite.  oh dear it's it's for the beer can chicken i'm cooking tomorrow for dinner.

i went to the local package store on monday, walked to the singles section and paid $1.25 for it.  it's been in the fridge ever since.  i can't wait to have it as part of the recipe and what it will add to the moist flavor of the chicken.
i gave a lot of thought as to what i would use instead of a real beer for the chicken.  i could've used a can of non alcoholic beer, but the little alcohol-which will burn off at the temp i cook the chicken-will help break down the proteins in the chicken a little and will also help render the fat.  using a non alcoholic beer would have tasted as good but wouldn't have done the job.

i went into the package store to buy something to cook with.  i didn't even think twice about the beer or any other alcohol in the place (even typing this right now, my stomach is turning) but what application it would have in a recipe that i've cooked many times before.
the only other time i thought about the beer, was when it fell out of the refrigerator and onto the floor.

i think that it should be noted that i have made a lot of progress with myself and the drink  i have passed a certain point where i no longer think of the alcohol or it's effects or what it supposedly gave to me in any fashion.  i have moved on from the need for escapism and have fully given my self over to 'the now' and the
need to be part of more than feeding into the little bubble i existed in for so long.


once you free your self from the thing that holds you down and decide to stand up on your own two feet, the best is always yet to come.

it's still only 1051 pm.....nah...

Guayusa:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guayusa