Emotional Area Rug

I'm 'laying out' another blog. I think this one will really 'tie the room' together. You will all be doing the 'shag' once i'm done writing.
Contrary to what the title suggests, this is not about area rugs. Emotional content yes, but not about rugs.

To the left is a cup of coffee. It looks like it is served in a cup from one of the thousands of diners that are in New York or New Jersey.

I've had the occasion to use these cups twice. Decades apart from each other but the experience is the same.

Why did I choose a picture of a coffee cup?

Because, my dear friends, I am showing you the one true vice I have chosen to keep on imbibing of.

The reasons for not wanting of drink are simple:

1) To be there on the journey with Terri and to be up front and clear through the happiest moments of my life.

2) To be in a healthier state of mind and body. To hopefully gain some clearer understanding of my self so that I may pass this clarity unto my child and in a greater way, learn more my self.

In the past i've made bold swathes of the art of drinking. It's my friend, I hate it, leave me alone. That kind of childish prodding that was on the surface of a legitimate problem.

Problem?

Yes, the problem was not of the drink itself but of boredom.
I am not want of routine and tying one on felt a lot better than flipping through channels, surfing the internet or listening to the crushing silence around me.
I got a rise out of the buzz. I would feel more free and more in control of my emotions and my expressions. That easy way out comes at a heavy toll of hang overs, short temper and lack of interest in anything but the next buzz.

I am not going to position my self away from anyone that still drinks, nor am I going to wave some banner of 'sobriety' or even use the word again, except to use it once, here.
But these aren't somber times, these are joyous times.
I am simply choosing to take my own path for once and gain back some of the momentum I used to have.
Conversely, I am not going to tolerate going out and having you or anyone chide me because I want a soda. Many a time I've fallen prey to that king of behavior and it's childish to say the least.

I am not going to be an emotional area rug for you detritus.

We are all fully responsible for our own actions. I am not here to advocate anything. I am not here to sell you anything either. I want to evolve on my own terms and I also want to stand up for myself because soon enough, I will have to stand up for more than my self and that means everything to me.

I have a lot of 'what ifs' to contend with and on no certain terms am I going to let my guard down lest some thing happens to Terri or the baby. Which won't because we are awesome.

Someone once told me to keep it simple. To not clutter your thoughts an actions with too many emotions or quick decisions. Someone else wrote that emotions were nothing but politics.
I made a list that is on my fridge of the things I want to concentrate on:

#1: The family
And in no order:

Cooking

Writing

Music

Friends

Movies

As the snow melts outside and the icy world comes to pass, as the warmth of summer tickles Terri's ever growing belly, I will be helping to grow another human being. And come September 16th, I hope to have a healthy, beautiful child to show the world to.

Raise a glass of ? to that!