Done.

I fell asleep at 10:30 last night. It is now 7:00. I have been up since 6:00.

This is the final day of a really fucked up, sad year. 

The sheer carnage reaped upon these lands has the earth shivering in their wake. 

I had major ups and downs, and once again had to defend myself and my integrity, to save face among my peers.

I weeded out the weak 'friends' i had, and gave up on feeling like i needed to belong with any peer group or moré. 

I stopped using a life zapping pill, that wasn't letting me live. It only let me exist. 

I gave up on feeling bad about things i have absolutely NO control over. 

People who are peaceful, kind and dutiful will ALWAYS outnumber the bad. Don't let ANYONE sway this fact. The universe is huge and limitless, our love for each other should be the same. 

Our logic as a species is flwaed, and we act like savages, repeating the same benign lie of power over and over, only to achieve the same result. 

It's completely foolish,petty and ignorant. 

I am about halfway through my life cycle, and if it all stopped tomorrow, i'd be pretty proud of the few accomplishments that i've set upon this mortal coil. 

I have a lot of good years ahead of me, and want to focus on becoming more of a so called 'peaceful warrior.' 

It looks so hippyish....peacefull warrior!'

Seriously, though. I have a family to grow with and help protect. My old ways are not unlike the ones i described above: flawed. 

Anxiety, stress, depression. These things can be controlled and fixed. Mine dealings with these were starting to wear me down. Numbing myself had become tiresome as well. 

There is no need for me to lie downand give   in yet, as i if seems i fooled myself into thinking it was time to. 

Goidbye 2015 and all of your haunts. 

Goodbye Lemmy, Leonard, B.B. and Wes. You were all true inspirations. 

Imagine.

Imagine if the vast oil reserves on our planet, were put here by an intergalactic race of aliens.

Imagine if these aliens, only used this once barren planet as some kind of fuel depot, and we grew on it like a fungus. 

Imagine how pissed off they'd be, when they travel here to fuel up, only to find the fuel gone. 

Random pt. ?

I would try veganism, as the health benefits are amazing. It would be a good way to practice discipline, and purpose.

The only problem?

I am allergic to soy and almost every kind of nut. This means that a massive part of the diet would be off limits to me. 

I would like to make music again, and have the equipment to make it happen. I just have trouble making music, with the idea that i am making some sort of product, or trying to 'sell' it so people will hear it. 

It is absurd to create and think you are being original, when you have the selling point in mind. You just ruined the purity of your project by placing a price on it. 

I also refuse to play anything i do live. It is complete bullshit to hold court in front of people and wait for their judgements or accolades!

Why would i practice, spend all of this time preparing, make sure everything is up to my standards, and then...and then put myself in front of people who would rather update their social network postings or talk over my expressions while i am concentrating. 

I would like to leave my job, i would like to be free, enjoy my middle age, and learn. I make really good money and have a boatload of time off. 

The problem?

I have been doing this job for sixteen years and have not moved anywhere in the company. I want more. More responsibility, more space to think and less dealing with the simple warehouse mentality. It's a grind that has finally burned me out. 

At 42, some avenues have been passed, but others are still in front of me.

The question remains: do i have the guts to throw myself into the big '?' And possibly mess up my life, or do i stay the course? 

Done.

Due to the fact, that the information is already out there, before it shows up on you. You only co opt most content second hand, and try to make it your own. 

Due to the fact, that you get fake 'karma' points for finding that information first, and then everyone gives their much needed nod of approval and/or disapproval. 

Due to the fact that there are barely ANY actual DISCUSSIONS and only either 100% agreement or vice cersa.

Due to the fact that instead of bringing the best out in us, you have only allowed bullies, trolls and immature anonymous sycophants to rule the roost.

Due to the fact that the average user needs information bestowed upon them on a silver platter, for them to peck over or raise a nose to, like a spoiled prince. 

Reddit, you and i are no longer friends.

You were smaller and more fun over four years ago, when i met you.

I'm sorry, but you've become way to big for your britches. 

Best of luck, handing out gold stars when good things happen, and the same when you beed to hand out pacifiers to all the self centered brats, who make up a vast percentage of your user base. 

Our friend, and official 10 Clark #2 greeter, Smiegel, died on October21st.

She had become more and more reclusive over the past three months. She had a feeding on the 19thif crickets. I guess that was her last meal. 

Welp, she was a lizard. She is buried at the base of a tree in our yard, to feed it.

 I think she was 13 years old. Which is old. For a gecko.

I posted this in 2011:

http://prewarcondition.blogspot.com/2011/08/smiegel-gecko-and-so-much-more.html

I won't forget taking her out and petting her chin, until her eyes closed in joy. Or saying 'hi' to her whenever i came home.

Having turned off her red heat lamp,and not coming home to it's warming glow, made me feel her absence all the more.  

About her service: i read a nice poem, we wrapped Smiegel in a red napkin and drew a heart on it. Elsie put a flower in with her and threw some dirt, said goodbye. The poem took us all back a bit. We were all teary eyed and had closure. 

Smeigel:200?-2015

42

No, i do now know the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything.

Gifts obtained on my birthday:

iPhone 6S.  I faithfully kept our iPhone fours running for three years.  It was time.

New web belt.  my other one was over 10 years old and fraying.

.357 Magnum hot sauce.  It is pure evil.

A giant hand carved wooden spoon.  For cooking.

The Sprawl trilogy by William Gibson.  I read through these in 1993.  Can't wait to jack back in.

Time to hang out with Terri and Elsie, cook good food and drink good drinks.

Yay 42.

Random.

Random stream of consciousness (please ignore.)

Guilty pleasure out if context with my personality #1: I love the television show 'Diners Drive Ins & Dives.' 

Why do i need to buy hard cider, when i can just add apple cider to my beer?

Health care sucks now. I would literally pay more, if they went back to my HCP taking care of everything. 

If you aren't using Firefox as your browser: you are missing out. 

I tried wordpress, because i wanted to cut ties with the googles, but it's like 'Jeremy: The Blog!' Here, i can remain anonymous-ish, as though i have a corner office in the basement. 

I am still a wide eyed child. I get excited like a child over things. If you outgrew this, you lose. 

Dear tweny somethings: (            )

'Blunt Talk' is Patrick Stewart's best work in years. 

My newest way of dealing with someone who is complaining or whining is silence, followed by an idea or positive inflection. 

It works like a charm, especially when the offender looks like a peeing dog. 

I am starting to make music again, on my own terms. The project is called: Futurestorms. 

Guilty pleasure out of context with my personality #2: I love weddings. 

Skinny Puppy- a band that has veen on my radar since '88, is a frequent pre and post work soundscape, that i love. 

Elsie an I went on another hike today. I love to hit the trail with her, and have engaged in what i hope is a lifeling passion for herself and i. She loves the woods, and has gotten me iff my tuckus. 

If you have time, sit in a bathroom with the lights off. It is so quiet and calming. 

It's my daily five minute re charge. 

I used to hate the transition into fall/ winter. I now see it as a change for the better. Time to make music, catch up in my video game pile and bundle up. 

Guilty pleasure the is out of context with my personality #3: i love birthday parties. 

I have the solution to some of life's little problems: shut up and deal with it. 

Obligatory Elsie picture:

Visuals 13.

Same.

Please ignore past post. 

I am going to keep on using blogger. 

I tried two other blog hosts and did not get the same level of use as here.

This site will remain active. 

Umbilical.

Hello, all. 

I have been slowly cutting the umbilical cord with everything Google.

Sergi and the gang can suck it. 

Way too big to control. 

Anyway, i strongly suggest you switch over to firefox. 

It is a very amazing grassroots tool.

It takes a little more work on the user end, but if you had a computer as long as i've had- and are not a mac user- you should be fine. :)

If you haven't already, because i know you are savvy like that. 

So, i am currently shopping around for another blog home. 

When i find one. I will post a link to it as the last post here. 

I already checked out wordpress, but already feel stuffy. 

The only Googlesque thing i am keeping is youtube. 

Google bought youtube as well as blogfer, but youtube is awesome. 

Ok then. 

Obligatory Elsie photo: 

visuals 12

Only two this time.

First: At Smith College Alumni weekend. 

We (Elsie and I) walked the campus and took it all in.

Second: Horseneck Beach. We faced the ocean and we won the day.

Second image by John Hargis.

observation #2

I like to see the brazen attitude one has, to ride a bicycle while not using the handlbars.

The most common affrontage is, crossing one's arms while riding, as if to add to this defiance. 

But, it is when, and if i am witness or if those who are armed with video camera or such ephemera.

I love to see you wipe out.

Take a digger.

Biff it.

It makes my day to see such rampant disregard failing and being punished by the forces of balance. 

Shedding.

I had read or heard of shedding one's skin every seven years a long time ago. 

This means that at 7,14,21,28,35 and 42 years of age, we lose a part of ourselves while gaining another.

As i am approaching my 6th shedding, i am re evaluating my station in life as well as my priorities.

If things go as planned, i hope to be accelerating my knowledge and my range of opportunity in the coming year.

My main focus will be information technology and writing.

Both of which are not uknown to me, yet just out of reach, but not at all unatainable.

I've been messing around with learning python, HTML and CSS. 

I hope to achieve a good base of computer sciences and grow upon this base.

2) I have one short story in the can with others brewing.

I want to expand upon what i have written as an enjoyable aside to learning more and exploring both the established and fantastical side of my self. 

Homage.

 I wanted to share someone's blog of Leonard Nimoy at work on one of his photography projects:http://www.sethkayeblog.com/leonard-nimoy-is-back-in-town

He came to Northampton, Mass a lot to show his amazing photography. I think it was in '04, when i just missed him by 5 minutes but was in awe of the surreal beauty he created. As you can see by the person's blog, Leonard was just as passionate about human connections, as he was in his acting.

My earliest memories were of him being a solid rock of intellect on NCC 1701. I loved Spock's way of adhering to logic, and when i found he was half human, i thought we were kin.

I'd like to thank my dad for getting me into Star Trek, science and science fiction. If it weren't for watching the show in syndication in the later 1970's, i'd not have this passion i carry with me to this day.

I'd like to thank Leonard Nimoy's protrayal of Spock for my objective need for thinking and analysis.

I'd like to also talk a minute about my #1 favorite science fiction movie: Blade Runner.

There is going to be a sequal. Harrison Ford is now on board to reprise his role of Deckard. 

This is huge, because early rumors were that a new detective would continue the business of reitring andys. 

Here is some info:

http://variety.com/2015/film/news/denis-villeneuve-in-talks-to-direct-blade-runner-sequel-1201442794/

I am so happy that science fiction and fantasy movies are in the forefront of cinema again. It's pure escapism, but inspiring escapism. 

I'll leave you with Leonard Nimoy's last communication with the general public:

'A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP'

-Leonard Nimoy

Observation.

Above is a picture of Elsie on her way to preschool for the first time. This was yesterday. It was a Tuesday. 

She was very well behaved and attentive, albeit a little over eager.

Right now, i am on my second day of observation of her class. 

I am sitting at a long counter behind a one way mirror, looking over a room full of preschoolers and their wares. 

Terri and i spent the entire 2 hours and 45 minutes here yesterday.

I am spending the final hour here today, before i release Elsie into the staff's more than capable hands. 

I am not going to lie: i am here because i aldready miss Elsie and am having trouble detaching myself from the 3 plus years we spent mornings together.

But this will be the last of it, as i will only come to puck her up and shuttle her to her grandparents homes, while i go to work. 

This is Elsie's time to learn and to develop.

And in some ways it is mine too. 

Solidarity.

As someone who has self published since 1990, and most of it being semi political satire, i offer this: