Refrain.

Refrain: 

I found out that i am part Swedish this past weekend. Not much, but enough to be a true son of northern darkness:  

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BstHbbpq07s 

Ha! I have a minuscule amount of Swedish in me, but enough to know that 99% of my family has blue eyes. 

tycker du inte?

I also immediately purchased this book: 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CAwQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2Fgp%2Faw%2Fd%2F1500346721%3Fpc_redir%3D1410499517%26robot_redir%3D1&ei=UmMaVO-3MqzCsATrkYCQBQ&usg=AFQjCNFmWDGDhecjp2A8PsInTccWnIIM4Q&sig2=zIw8IkgNciSv1Yjf9Db7-w

Holy crap, so much link!

Literally the minute i heard of it's release.

A powerhouse. One of the best collections i've read since a Poe anthology. No kidding.  

If Bartlett keeps going with his surreal horror, he will surpass Lovecraft and carve out a grotesque nicé of his own among the greats of the horror genre. 

I have not read such cringe inducing material since Clive Barker's 'Books of Blood.' 

I do find myself reading this twisted tome, mostly in the morning, with a fresh mind. It seems to give me an odd and detached perspective on the day. 

Wow, lost my train of thought. 

Anyway, dad: if you are reading this. Thank you for your ever expanding wisdom and kind words. 

I don't see you enough and elsie doesn't either. 

But that is ok, you have nothing but free time now and you did your bid. 

By the way: Terri and Remy told me you don't look a day over 55. Could it be our Swedish heritage!

Every time we hang out it is a lesson in how to be a better person and how to handle almost anything. I hope my happiness in my life has been an example of the fact that you did the best in raising myself and Jeff. 

So  here was my (slight) refrain. 

wind.

I used to gauge the fall by the time when the students came back or came here. 

I would traverse the traffic, the pointing fingers of the oblivious parents, and the swell of the air as around 50,000 kids flock to the happy valley for a 'higher' education. 

But, this year was different. 

I only noticed the shadows getting longer as the days grew shorter. A stark contrast to a rather bland summer,weather wise at least. 

Let's just admit that this was very mild as far as summers go, shall we?

Again: this year was different. 

I have been more focused on my family and our needs. I have been focused on our life and where we fit in to the whole scheme of things here in the center of the universe.

This world- this big vast world-is made for the young and the adventurous. 

The curious and the bold.

Personally, i am some of these, but most of all, i am a patient observer on the cusp of my middle age. 

Wether this gives me passage to dream, create, absolve or venture again, i hope it is with the same wide eyed magic if having more dreams than reason in this crazy world. 

We live to exist only to exist to live. 

Pinwheel.

    Elsie, 2 years 11months (L)

    Elsie, 97 years (R)

    

This is why i do the best i can each       day. 

For these moments. 

I am the luckiest spud alive. 

nuptials.

Jess (Bandit) and Jeff (The Rev) had their nuptials last weekend, deep in the woods of Quebec. 

Terri and i made it there in the presence of Remy and Pad. 

It was at a maple syrup 'compound.'

I was lucky enough to be the best man (again this year) and was proud to hand out the rings and stand there with my vest friend- even though we are hundreds of miles apart. 

All the best to Bandit and The Rev! 

Surrender.

I give up.

I no longer want to be an adult. 

I just want to be my self. 

With all of my flaws and misgivings, they make me who i am.

I have never fit in with those who follow too many rules.

This used to be my strength, and i've made it my weakness through delusional regret and self loathing. 

But i'm tired of it. I'm too far along to try to fit in. 

So: what do i do?

Make decisions and judgements based on my gut and my wit, as these are my biggest assets. 

My thirties were nice, but besides some aches that don't rebound as fast as i'm used to, i am ready to begin again and really shake some leaves off the tree this time. 

Visuals 10.

Paradigm.

The beginning of the end was when as a species, we decided to make this beautiful earth adapt to us, instead of we adapting to it. 

Let that sink in for a second.